As you grow...

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I want to share something with you:

When I was a child I was asked every so often what I wanted to be when I grew up. People wanted to know; what career path did I want to follow once I was done with school, or what did I want to study to become when I went to college?

There wasn't anything I was especially interested in doing. I didn't want to be a nurse, flight attendant, secretary, or veterinarian. I never really had an answer to that question.

After high school I decided to study to become a teacher. The pay was decent and I liked to share knowledge, so it seemed to be a good fit. While I took my college courses I worked in the public school system. I found out that teaching wasn't what I thought it would be, and decided not to become a teacher after all. Following that decision I worked for a local government office, a real estate research firm, a loan servicing company, and a medical billing office.

After that, of course, my working days came to a halt so that I could be home to raise you.

Sometimes I wonder what others think of me having never finished a four year college degree or starting a "real" career before becoming a stay at home mom. I wonder if they find me to lack ambition or direction, or if they think I wasn't capable of doing more. However, I recently came to a realization...

When I grow old and die, I don't want to be remembered for what I did to earn money. I want to be remembered for who I was and what I did for other people. I want to be remembered for being kind, generous, accepting, loving, supportive, and helpful. These traits are far more important to me than a title or degree, and I can only hope that I can instill that same belief in you.

Remember son... people may not remember what you do, but they will remember how you made them feel. So above all... whatever your pursuits in life are...

Be kind and generous. Love and accept people for who they are (and remember that diversity is a beautiful thing.) Lend a hand and cheer people on when they need it. Be good to those around you, and you will find them being good to you. Happiness will always be worth more than money. Seek what makes you happy, and I promise you'll find your success.

Mommy is a work in progress

Warren, you are absolutely the sweetest, most wonderful boy I could ask for. Sometimes I worry that I'm not good enough of a mom... I definitely feel like God trusted me a little too much in letting me become yours.

Tonight you were tired. You fell asleep in the car on the way home from Grandma & Duke's house, and it was just about bedtime. When we got inside, I took you to go potty, but you were so groggy and tired that you weren't ready, and just wanted to go back to sleep. You got upset, then I got upset. You cried, and I yelled.

I tell you every time, and I wish there weren't so many of them... but I'm so sorry for losing my temper and yelling at you when *I* am the one who should be able to control myself.

You're three. I'm a few years shy of thirty. I try to keep my cool, but I'm not very good at it. I'm truly sorry for the times when I have just as big of a meltdown as you do. I hope that, when you're old enough to read back on this, you don't remember me as a mean mommy. I want nothing more than for you to feel loved, accepted, and cherished... because you are.

Singing

Let me start off and tell you that, for a very, very long time, you despised for me to sing to you. It lasted from about the time that you were almost two until you were almost three. If I sang to you, or even in your presence, you often would yell, spit, and even try to hit me (if I was close enough!) I can't begin to tell you how disappointed this made me feel-- I love music and want for you to love it, too!

In the last couple of months, you have started to change your tune. (See what I did there?) You mostly don't seem to mind me singing, and sometimes you even sing along with me. I've recently started playing the radio in the car again as we drive to and from our destinations. Sometimes I sing, sometimes you sing, and sometimes you still want the music turned off.

A few nights ago, however, you did something new. As we drove down the road to a dueling piano show at the local park, we were both singing to the song "I Will Wait" from a group called Mumford & Sons. Suddenly, you told me very loudly to stop singing, which made me a bit sad, so I asked you, "why?" You replied and told me, somewhat quietly, "I'm singing TO you, mommy."

You sure do know how to make your mom happy.

You make me proud

(Warren, I should have started writing this a long time ago. I'll fill in on your younger years as time goes by, but for now, these are my notes for you.)

Today you attended your friend Kaden's third birthday party. You had a wonderful time and enjoyed your friends very much. You didn't even complain when I split your cupcake to share with a friend who has dropped theirs in the dirt (I should add, it was my fault she dropped it.) When it was time to leave, you had a bit of a meltdown, because you just weren't ready for the fun to end. And, somewhere in between, you made me proud.

Your friend Kaden had an awesome toy. It was a bicycle that hooks up to the TV, and you pedal and steer it to play a game. You so badly wanted to ride, but you waited while Gracie rode it. She played for a while, and not once did I have to ask you to wait your turn. You just DID. I hardly realized how well you'd waited until another friend wanted to get on and you declared it was your turn. I hadn't realized how PATIENT you'd been. I've got to say, I was very proud that you didn't pout that your friend Gracie had a turn to play first, and that you didn't lose your mind when the another friend was starting to get on after Gracie. You showed restraint despite your emotions, and that is something to be very proud of when you are three years old.

To top it off, you put yourself to bed early tonight. I liked that a lot, too!